How Women Rise: 3 Tips to leverage your relationships in a virtual world

“How Women Rise” is an incredible book that is co- written by acclaimed authors and executive coaches Sally Helgesen and Marshall Goldsmith. It sets about identifying and bringing awareness to ‘12 Habits’ that are most likely to get in the way of successful women.

This (excellent) book is central to the ‘Empowering Women’ workshops and webinars at Change Grow Succeed. Throughout these workshops, we seek to support these women in becoming ‘unstuck’ by finding their authentic voice to articulate their greatest strengths and attributes. This process also offers great insight into what holds these talented ladies back in the workplace. Awareness brings choice and due to its’ pragmatic nature, these women leave our sessions with an identifiable set of task or behaviors that they need to stop or start doing to support their own growth.

Supporting women in transforming their lives through behavioral change has long been a passion of mine so when I had the opportunity to pose a question to Sally Helgesen at last nights’ @NetworkCork webinar, I jumped at it.

Here is what I asked:

“Sally, I would love to hear your thoughts on how women can continue to build and leverage their relationships in our new world that has become almost 100% virtual.”

Her response focused on the following three key areas:

• Build your Brand – Start thinking about our reputation and get comfortable talking about what we contribute or what we would like to contribute. Women often say they lack confidence in this area but is it confidence or merely lacking practise in labeling and communicating what we want?
• Stay Connected – Use this time as an opportunity to build and deepen your network. Use the platforms that are available to intentionally generate connections that are authentic.
• Be Real – Be You and connect on a human level. Share your vulnerabilities and you will engage on a more meaningful level.

What can we learn from this? Let’s be intentional about using this time as an opportunity to connect, firstly with ourselves, to anchor and label our contributions (or course correct if necessary!) Let’s get comfortable with being uncomfortable and start communicating more authentically with our peers and colleagues. Let’s take responsibility for this and unlock the door to our path forward!

If you want to kick – start this process for you, or find out more about Gillian McGrath, you can reach her here.

 

Gillian McGrath is a Cork based Life and Business Coach and Master Trainer. Check out http://www.changegrowsucceed.com for more information.

Tribe Therapy

Do you ever think about the people in your tribe? Who are they? What do they mean to you and how often do you get to connect and I mean really connect with them?

Let’s revisit the definition of tribe for a moment. It’s a group of people who share values and ideas, who listen to and support each other. It’s a kinship. Being part of a tribe is primal. It forms part of our identity. It provides us with a sense of belonging which is critical to basic human functioning. Perhaps a modern take on the term ‘tribe’ is having access to and connecting with those people in your life who nurture you, who make you laugh, who inspire you and who accept you, warts and all! Take a minute- can you identify who these people are for you?

Tribes are dynamic- they change, it’s not humanely possible to hold onto all the friends we make in a lifetime! Our tribe members are congruent with our own journey. The people we move towards (or away from!) tend to reflect our values and priorities at any given time. Think about the people you gravitated towards in your teens, your twenties, thirties- were the colleagues on the work nights out replaced with the ‘parents at the school gate’ for much understanding and support?

If, fundamental to the tribe experience is connection then the challenge is finding the time! How often do you connect with members of your tribe? We all have so many commitments and ‘priorities’ – we can often mistake a ‘What’s App’ message for a connection. In an era where we have access to our virtual connections at the touch of a button, people have never felt so lonely or isolated. In fact, a recent article in the Independent revealed that social isolation is becoming an epidemic particularly amongst young people, newly retired and even creeping in to the lives of stay at home mums!

We are all driving in our own lanes, it’s important to come out of these every now and again as connecting with each other is a core part to our existence. As a working mum of 3 and a solo/mumpreneur, I’m learning that the people in my tribe are more important to me than ever.  Finding those like- minded people who inspire me, understand and accept me for who I am is energizing! It’s invaluable to me and is nothing less than any of us deserve.

Last week, some great friends and I spent a night away together. This is really rare (like once a year rare!) Sometimes, it’s about making the the smaller moments count such as the odd lunch date, a walk or a catch up over dinner! The ladies and gents in my tribe have inspired this blog. Although we may not meet as often as I would like, enjoying some down time (when we can) with those that nurture me is a pure tonic and the benefits are far reaching…And I trust that they would say the same!

So put down the lap top, turn off the phone and arrange a meet-up with a fellow tribe member!

 

Gillian McGrath is a Cork based Life and Business Coach and Master Trainer. For more information, go to http://www.changegrowsucceed.com

Are you an Imposter?

“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it”

JM Barrie, PETER PAN

Do you ever feel like a fraud? Ever think it’s just a matter of time before you’re ‘found out’? Ever feel that your success in work has been based on ‘being in the right place at the right time’ rather than on your merit? If so, you may be a sufferer of Imposter Syndrome.

Andrea Marr (officemum.ie) interviewed me on the subject recently and this article can be read in this months’ edition of Magpie magazine. I was prompted to explore ‘Imposter Syndrome’ last year following several (female) clients who were all well accomplished in their careers but who were distressed and anxious about “not feeling good enough”.…They felt like frauds.

Through research, I learned that the term “Imposter Syndrome” is largely a female phenomenon.  It’s a term used to describe women who experience ’imposter feelings’ and worry incessantly that they will “found out . Often, despite evidence of an abundance of workplace skills and achievements, sufferers live in fear that their peers and superiors will realize that they’re not “as good” as they had initially thought.

At this point, you would be correct to think “we all experience feelings of self- doubt or low confidence from time to time” but to help qualify this issue, it’s important to examine frequency and impact.  For example, if you are living under a constant veil of worry and self-doubt, the impact for some women is anxiety, stress, low self-confidence and even depression. Lack of confidence becomes self- sabotaging and FEAR steps in. Sufferers are afraid to explore new experiences. These talented ladies are pressing the ‘PAUSE’ button.

So how can we banish these thoughts?

Quite simply, if you want to stop feeling like an imposter, you have to stop thinking like an imposter. As Imposter sufferers tend to live in their heads, the challenge is to foster different thinking habits! Here are my tips for taking some control back over those thoughts!

• Label those thoughts as they trickle in. Acknowledge them and create a distance. Detach yourself.

 

• Understand the root cause: Eg. In a presentation, you might think a colleague looks so confident and get swept away with thoughts such as “I could never do that! I wish I could be like her!” When you have no idea what’s going on for that individual. It’s therefore possible that you’re making unfair comparisons i.e. you’re comparing your inside with their outside!

 

• Reframe. Substitute “Oh My God, I have NO idea what I’m doing here” with “this is going to be a great opportunity for me to learn something new- I’ve got this” or replace “I’d say they are sending me on this business trip to test me ” with “I’m looking forward to bringing something different to the table!”

 

• Focus on the external value or service you are contributing instead of your internal thoughts! Think about yourself less!

 

• Journal. Identify your accomplishments to date, skills, qualifications, projects etc. Label what you’re grateful for. Over time, this will become a habit a foster a more positive and confident mindset.

 

• The scariest strategy? Envisage the worst case scenario! Make a mistake. Get feedback that you were incorrect! Remember being wrong doesn’t make you a ‘fraud’. It makes you human.

 

In summary, none of us chose to feel like an imposter. We all want to feel confident but unless we actively tackle our thoughts on this, progress will be limited. Know there will be good and bad days ahead but as long as you remain focused and disciplined on the thoughts you wish to change, getting yourself back on track will be easier. Over time, this will become your new way of being! Make a change. Grow. Succeed.

 

 

Gillian McGrath is a Cork based Life and Business Coach and Master Trainer. For more information, contact her directly at Gillian@changegrowsucceed.com

My audacity to have it all!

Here’s an interview I did recently outlining my journey to having my own business while rearing a small family! I hope you enjoy and thanks to Elaine and Martina at theworkingmother.ie

What kind of business do you have?

I own a coaching and training practise called “Change Grow Succeed”. My business, at its very core, reflects my own beliefs and values which is the belief in human potential. I use a strengths based approach. Feedback from my clients is that they feel focused, energised and empowered.

When did you start your business and what prompted you to start it?

I have been in training and development for almost 15 years and have additional qualifications in psychology and psychometric assessment. While starting my own business was something I had thought about, I was happy to leave it on the back burner “until the time was right” (as we know, that never happens). It was a fairly organic process in the end in that it followed on from a diploma I completed in life and business coaching in 2012 (whilst expecting my third baby). As part of earning the Dip., I had to accumulate several hours of pro-bono coaching. Some of these clients returned and referred others. Around the same time, there was also interest and queries from some local businesses. Without thinking too much about it, I took the plunge and “Change Grow Succeed” was born in May 2013. I’m absolutely passionate about the coaching and training processes. Seeing first-hand the progress that people make is wonderful. To be a catalyst in this is both humbling and hugely rewarding.

Were you in employment before you started your business and if so, how did you decide when and how to make the transition?

My transition from full-time worker to part-time worker to business owner has been an interesting journey. It started over eight years ago after returning from maternity leave following the birth of my first son. I had a full time senior role in a multinational company but I was constantly running and was consumed by guilt. Guilt at not spending enough time with my baby (who was in full time day care) and guilt at not feeling able to do my job now that there was a massive shift in my priorities.

Personally, I couldn’t reconcile the two roles and for me, something had to give. With a heavy heart, I handed in my notice with nowhere to go. (Brave or mad? I’ll go with brave.)

The time out gave me the opportunity to reflect and reassess. I knew that I needed to make some changes as we did want more children (and spend more time with the one we had) but I did also want to work. Could I have the ‘audacity’ to have it all? What did that even mean for me? I wasn’t sure so I began to look around for some part-time opportunities.

Within a few months, I was delighted to secure a part time training role with the National Learning Network. Whilst there, I completed my Diploma in life and business coaching (I also had 2 other children) and thereafter, took the leap. I continue to work some hours with NLN in conjunction with “Change Grow Succeed“. My children are my priority but I also love what I do. I am motivated and exhilarated in equal measure to walk this path.

What is the best thing about being your own boss?

The flexibility is fantastic – I can honestly say that I can meet most of my family’s needs and the needs of my clients (most of the time). There is also great scope in my own personal creativity and decision making is a speedy process.

What is the most challenging thing?

I say ‘yes’ alot. Yes to my family, yes to my clients, yes to my friends….But that can sometimes mean saying ‘no’ to myself. I have a tendency to spread myself quite thin which in the past has impacted my own health. I am aware of it now. Learning to say “not now” (instead of just ‘no’) to others is something that I continue to embrace (even if I’m not entirely comfortable with it).

Did you get much support from family/friends when you were starting out?

Yes. My husband is very supportive – I remember leaving him on weekend mornings with two children and an infant to go meet clients. He is the person I bounce a lot of ideas off and is a steady shoulder to lean on. My friends and family were all supportive and encouraging. I listened and learned advice on business from friends and contacts in my network – no point in re-inventing the wheel.

Is there anything you would have done differently?

“Change Grow Succeed“is an evolving business. It’s a work in progress and as such I am constantly looking at how and what I’m doing to learn from it. Sometimes it’s just about having the courage and resilience to keep moving forward.

How do you juggle running a business with having a family?

It’s a constant dance and a 24/7 operation. Organisation, forward planning and communication are instrumental steps in this dance. To offset the busy week days (Tuesday to Thursday), I plan the practical stuff such as groceries, laundry, meal planning and other household chores in advance to ensure that all activities go to plan.

I find that in the evenings, especially with young children, you’ll never know what form they are going to be in so it’s worth being organised to focus on their needs e.g. I tend to bake with them on Sunday mornings. As well as enjoying this time with them the end result will populate their lunch boxes for a few days.

Monday mornings are cherished with my youngest son, Fionn. Friday afternoons and Saturday mornings are filled with extra-curricular activities for Eoin and Katie. Generally we do something ‘en famile’ over the weekend.

What I’m also learning is that I need to be well to ensure that everything else functions. For me, getting out for a run once a week is a must. My diet is important and I’m a big believer in making nutritional choices most of the time. I also try and do some yoga, have a night out with my friends or even go for acupuncture.

I also tend to evaluate how I am using the nuggets of free time throughout the day. Sometimes I even manage a sneaky coffee with a friend.

Do you have any advice for other mother’s considering starting their own business?

Life is busy enough so if you’re planning to embark on this path, be passionate about it. Love what you do and you’ll never work a day in your life again.

On a more practical level, I would advise contacting your Local Enterprise Office (LEO) for information on grant and courses (e.g. start your own business or marketing and branding).

Networking is so important – talk to people in similar fields. Use social media as a cost effective way to link in with relevant groups. Join in conversations and get ideas and feedback. Link in with people who have also found their passion.

Of course, reach out to friends and family. Reassurance and support is paramount while managing this transition (a life/ business coach and or mentor can also be hugely supportive).

And finally…Have patience and don’t be too hard on yourself – Rome wasn’t built in a day. (I would recommend reading “Finding your Own North Star” by Martha Beck.)

Thank you Gillian. Gillian is back with the working mother in January. Watch out for upcoming article on time management and the art of prioritisation. If you’d like to get in touch with Gillian check out her website. She’s now taking coaching appointments for January.

Working Mom – Tips to manage the transition back to the Workplace

Tremendous feedback to my article which featured in last weeks online website: theworking mother.ie

Did you press pause on your career to welcome a bundle of joy? Did you take six months maternity leave plus a few weeks unpaid? Maybe you decided to take extended leave to nurture the little ones until school going age…

Inevitably, many of us return to the workplace after this time out. In my capacity as a Life Coach (and being a working mum myself!), I often meet moms ‘pre’ and ‘during’ this transition.

Many women have the same doubts and anxieties before and during this period of re-adjustment: fear at the thought of returning to work; the perceived “irrelevance” of skills; the guilt; having a ‘baby brain’ (“I find it hard to remember where I put my keys!!”); and sometimes, an overwhelming sense of anxiety about how to juggle family and work commitments going forward.

Can you identify with some of the feelings above? I know that I can…

Here are some of my tips for how to survive the transition back to work after maternity leave:

• Source plenty of SUPPORT (emotional and physical) during this big transition – confide in your partner and/ or gal-pals. Tell them what you need. Ask for their encouragement – it will get you through!
• Call in those FAVOURS! Did granny promise to babysit? Then take her up on her offer – this will allow you some downtime!
• Engage with your NETWORK, ask other working mums for their practical tips on tasks like cooking or school runs (I remember ‘straight-to-wok-noodles’ were a godsend for me!)
• FOCUS ON THE POSITIVE ASPECTS of your workplace (perhaps it’s that child- free cup of coffee or some adult company).
• NOTE how you’re feeling during this transition; consider journaling your thoughts in a notebook. It can be helpful and practical to capture what you felt went well for you on a particular day.
• PLAN some family fun at the weekends – whatever that is for you!
• ALLOW for at least six weeks to pass before making any kind of decision around the viability and impact of the new transition – don’t rule anything out and lastly…
• Be KIND TO and BELIEVE IN Trust that you are exactly where you are supposed to be and really try to go with the flow as quite often, stress comes with resisting change!

And if you decide after trying all of the above, that the old job does not integrate with the revised you, make that choice, take control and make a change.

Change. Grow. Succeed.

Gillian McGrath is a Cork based Life and Business Coach and founder of ChangeGrowSucceed.

For more information, please see www.changegrowsucceed.com.

http://theworkingmother.ie/survive-transition-back-work-maternity-leave/