RSS Feed

Category Archives: confidence

5 Tips to Stay In a Job You Don’t Love

Posted on

Delighted that this latest blog was featured on the Employmum website this month.

 

*Warning- If you are currently working in a role in which you are fulfilled, challenged and stimulated (in equal measure), then this blog is NOT for you.

On the other hand, if you’re one of the thousands of people who are yearning for something more meaningful, then do read on. Perhaps your job is….’fine’, it may not put fire in your belly but it does pay the bills. Perhaps you’ve convinced yourself that you’re one of the lucky ones by acknowledging the following:

  • Your job is ‘easy’ or
  • The office is ‘down the road’ or
  • You can work from home one day per week or
  • The team finishes early on a Friday or
  • Your supervisor is ‘sound’ (even let you take an extra few days last year so you could care for your elderly aunt or young child)

Yet, you find yourself yearning for a greater sense of fulfillment. Jumping ship is an option but not in the short term, so, what can you do to put yourself back in the driving seat of your working day? It can be tricky to think straight if you are spending 39 hours a week in a job you no longer love but at Change Grow Succeed, we believe that taking ownership of the following will leave you feeling empowered:

  1. Forge Meaning

Meaning does not ‘happen’ to us us- we CREATE it. Our best moments happen when we are truly connecting – with activities, with people and of course, with ourselves. Approaching this more practically, get clear on why your job matters to you. Perhaps you enjoy the team environment, or helping your customers solve their problems. Maybe the money is good. Supporting your family or financing your holidays are worthy goals in themselves. Whatever the reason, OWN IT and you’ll find your day to day more meaningful.

 

  1. Define Progress

Happiness at work depends on experiencing ‘small wins’. Goal setting is most effective when there are milestones/ feedback in place to showcase any progress. They matter more than long term milestones which are usually too far off to make a difference. Begin each day by clarifying the two or three achievable tasks that would make the most difference or impact and when they are done make sure you savour the moment with a break or reward.

 

  1. Establish Momentum

Following on from the last point, take time to label your priorities and choose actions and habits that take you in the direction of what it is you want to achieve and of course, do these first thing! In our previous blog on establishing priorities, we share our preferred time management tool to ensure momentum in our day to day. You can check this out  here

Know that procrastination is a choice. As Alan Cohen said “Don’t wait until the conditions are perfect to begin, beginning makes the conditions perfect”. Remember to keep the meaning or reason behind your activity/ behaviour intact and the motivation will follow.

 

  1. Channel your Future-Self

There is a body of research to suggest that by connecting with our future selves that we can make more meaningful behavioural changes in the present. How can we do this? Think about your future self, say in ten years’ time and get to know them. Create a relationship by asking questions about what’s important in ‘their’ life, and what ‘their’ priorities are. This allows us to gain perspective. It also creates insight on ‘how is what I am doing now serving this purpose?’ or crucially ‘What skills will my future- self have taken from this current role?’ Get curious about your future self and start asking those questions!

 

  1. Partner with a coach

As we are products of a very dynamic environment, it’s important to appreciate that what we needed from a job 5 or 10 years ago may have significantly changed to now. For example the arrival of children, a bereavement, or general life experience can all alter our view of the world. Taking time to understand this helps us to gauge whether we are on the right path or not. A coach will support you by helping you identify your present passions, priorities and interests enabling you to find clarity and take values- based action.  At Change Grow Succeed, we leverage and blend a myriad of coaching tools in addition to skills profiles (psychometric assessments) and interest audits to support our clients. Feedback from our clients suggests that the accountability of the process drives momentum and change. Clients report feeling empowered energised and back behind the steering wheel.

 

So even if you’re current role no longer puts ‘fire in your belly’, take the opportunity to change your narrative about it by applying the pointers above. You might just be pleasantly surprised at how empowered you feel! Make a change. Grow. Succeed.

 

Gillian McGrath is a Cork based Life and Leadership Coach and Facilitator. She is also founder of Change Grow Succeed. For more information, see www.changegrowsucceed.com

#Empower #LookIn #Connect #SmallChanges #5Tips

Empowering Women

Cork Chamber Skillnet-Masthead-800px cropped-wp-header2.jpg

Change Grow Succeed are delighted to partner with the Cork Chamber Skillnet to facilitate an “Empowering Women” series of workshops. This unique series will focus on themes such as Personal Leadership, Thought Leadership and Results Leadership.

In addition to establishing a strong peer support network, attendees can expect an insightful and impactful experience that is both pragmatic and empowering. Attendees will also benefit from an introduction to leading edge experts on leadership. Finally, those in attendance can choose to avail of 1:1 coaching to boost their transfer of learning.

Full details can be found here.

About Gillian McGrath

Gillian is an experienced Coach and Facilitator. With 18 years’ experience in Training, Coaching and People Development across the private and public sectors and with qualifications in psychology, training and development, coaching and psychometric assessment, Gillian founded Change Grow Succeed in 2015.

Passionate about supporting her clients in effecting positive change, Gillian offers a strengths based approach – an experience that leaves clients feeling empowered, energised and looking forward. Her facilitation & coaching style is personable, authentic & hugely impactful. She also delivers bespoke high impact programmes to individuals, teams & managers and is skilled at creating environments which enable people to learn.

 

5 Remedies to cure your Disease to Please!

Posted on

ppl pleaser 2

Are you a people pleaser? Do you find it hard to say ‘No’?

Prompted by several clients who are self- confessed ‘People Pleasers’ and who have a desire to change but are not sure how, I set about researching the topic in more detail.

People pleasers are essentially lovely people who go out of their way to make other people happy. They have a bias towards collaboration and consideration for others. They tend to have highly tuned empathy and find it easy to adapt. The impact? They tend to say ‘yes’, when what they really want to say is ‘no’.  People pleasing may have served them in the past but when it becomes a default mode of being, it can be challenging to feel comfortable in their own skin.

Why not just say no? Fundamentally, it’s a mindset that works against them; some fear conflict, some don’t like to disappoint others or appear to be less than capable. Some feel that ‘ignoring the needs of others’ appears wrong and even rude!  Yet, by and large they report feeling overworked and resentful at saying “yes” to tasks that serve the agenda of others. Moreover, they feel frustrated at their lack of power and control over their own schedule, not to mention their anger at seemingly ‘getting nothing done’.

In a world where work is becoming infinite (just think about your ‘inbox’!) Having the ability to say “No” requires us to cultivate a mindset in which this is ‘ok’. The following 5 tips serve to remind us all how:

  1. Connect

Getting in touch with who you are, your values and beliefs is critical in getting started. Take the time to pause and reflect. Ask yourself ‘how am I responding to this?’ Look at your current behaviours and remember that it is in making the teaspoon size changes that can have the biggest impact.

 

  1. Set Boundaries

Be clear about your limits. Reset and revise your own boundaries if necessary. In setting these, remember, your responsibility is to yourself. If you don’t respect your needs, others won’t. If the receiver is unhappy, coin a mantra or ask a question such as ‘is there another way to look at this?’ Place the focus on something productive.

 

  1. Own your choices

Don’t feel the need to buy into some-one else’s chaos. Consider, if you say ‘yes’, consider what are you saying ‘no’ to? Remember to yield– research tells us that we are most susceptible to saying ‘yes’ in the minutes after a request. Yielding offers us valuable time to position our response!

 

  1. Be assertive

Assertive communication is about directing dialogue to what IS possible. If a situation is not working for you, say it and follow it with “can we put our heads together to figure this out”. Engage the asker! Focus on the substance of your objection over any ‘mud- slinging’.

 

  1. Say NO

Grasp that saying ‘no’ is not selfish and is vital to sustain healthy and functional relationships. In her book “Who’s pulling Your Strings?” Harriet B Braiker says “Conflict can and should be handled constructively. When it is, relationships benefit. Conflict avoidance is *not* the hallmark of a good relationship. On the contrary, it is a symptom of serious problems and of poor communication”. Remember that being nice, is not the same as being helpful.

 

Courage can transform us into the best version of ourselves positively impacting self- esteem and happiness. The good news is that bravery is a skill we can all learn (or re learn). It is an active process so it does need practise. Thus, if you want to be the hero of your own story, practise small acts of bravery and watch life open up before you! And I’ll bet that you will feel a whole lot better and may even have some extra time to devote to something that YOU actually enjoy!

 

Gillian McGrath is a Cork based life and business coach and master trainer. For more information, you can contact her directly on http://www.changegrowsucceed.com

Be Bold and Take Hold of your Career

Posted on

career change 2017

The theme of this years’ International Womens Day is ‘Be Bold for Change’ .

What can be “bolder” than changing careers?  At this time of year we often begin to reflect on where we’re at, where we want to be etc. The ‘New Year New You’ momentum is dissipating and we begin to ask questions of ourselves.  Does this resonate with you?

  • Work is the same ‘ole, same ‘ole but what can I do?
  • I would love a change but where would I start?
  • Today was crazy busy but why do I feel like I got nothing done?
  • I would love to change jobs but how can I when life is so busy with the kids?

Feedback from the women I meet is that this unrest can often trickle into their personal lives and the frustration and stress of being in a job that they don’t really like anymore. Changing job or even career is definitely on the cards but where to start? Recruitment Websites? Update a C.V.? And then, there’s the challenge of time “I’m already up to 90 with school runs/ nappies- where would I find the time to research a new job- I wouldn’t even know where to start!”

My advice is to start at the beginning which is around identifying your skills and interests. We are products of our environment which is constantly changing. As our priorities or circumstances change, we adapt accordingly. Thus, what may have attracted us to a position 5 years ago may not appeal to us anymore. If you want to change your career, it’s imperative to identify what ‘floats your boat’ now. Constructive evaluation is key to this process. But where or  how to start?

Here are the tips I would like to share with you if you feel the need to professionally re- evaluate:

  1. Buy a notebook (create your own ‘Career Change 2017’ portfolio!)

 

  1. Reflect on your previous roles/ jobs and make a note (in aforementioned notebook!) of the aspects you enjoyed while working there- think specifically about the tasks and responsibilities, the environment and the people

 

  1. Make a note your top achievements in your career history and what gave you the greatest sense of pride

 

  1. Complete an interest inventory. These questionnaires are designed to capture your interests and map them onto career sectors! There are some great websites out there and I would recommend http://www.careersportal.ie/ and navigate to the ‘Self- Assessment’ section. Remember the input will determine the output so take the time and go with your gut!

 

  1. Psychometric Assessment is a fantastic resource to further understand your strengths and abilities (and areas for development!)- alot of the ‘good ones’ are licensed and thus, come at a fee but there are some nice freebies out there which will help to boost your awareness. I recommend http://www.humanmetrics.com/ and http://www.cmi-lmi.com/kingdomality.html

 

  1. Start looking for patterns in the feedback above and align this with your own notes from pointers 2 and 3 (above)

 

  1. Now, you have the opportunity to make informed choices about employment sectors/ roles or maybe you have now decided that you need to retrain? If this is the case, look no further than qualifax.ie which is a centralised resource for ALL COURSES running in Ireland. Enter your county, some keywords (again, based on your research) and away you go!

A career coach will assist you in this journey, provide support through your research, educate you on tips and tricks of the trade and offer you choices and resilience as you prepare to make the change.

Be Bold. Make a change. Grow. Succeed.

Good luck with it!

 

Gillian McGrath is a Cork based Life and Business coach who also specialising in career change. She is founder of www.changegrowsucceed.com. For more information, please contact her directly.

Are you an Imposter?

imposter3

“The moment you doubt whether you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it”

JM Barrie, PETER PAN

Do you ever feel like a fraud? Ever think it’s just a matter of time before you’re ‘found out’? Ever feel that your success in work has been based on ‘being in the right place at the right time’ rather than on your merit? If so, you may be a sufferer of Imposter Syndrome.

Andrea Marr (officemum.ie) interviewed me on the subject recently and this article can be read in this months’ edition of Magpie magazine. I was prompted to explore ‘Imposter Syndrome’ last year following several (female) clients who were all well accomplished in their careers but who were distressed and anxious about “not feeling good enough”.…They felt like frauds.

Through research, I learned that the term “Imposter Syndrome” is largely a female phenomenon.  It’s a term used to describe women who experience ’imposter feelings’ and worry incessantly that they will “found out . Often, despite evidence of an abundance of workplace skills and achievements, sufferers live in fear that their peers and superiors will realize that they’re not “as good” as they had initially thought.

At this point, you would be correct to think “we all experience feelings of self- doubt or low confidence from time to time” but to help qualify this issue, it’s important to examine frequency and impact.  For example, if you are living under a constant veil of worry and self-doubt, the impact for some women is anxiety, stress, low self-confidence and even depression. Lack of confidence becomes self- sabotaging and FEAR steps in. Sufferers are afraid to explore new experiences. These talented ladies are pressing the ‘PAUSE’ button.

So how can we banish these thoughts?

Quite simply, if you want to stop feeling like an imposter, you have to stop thinking like an imposter. As Imposter sufferers tend to live in their heads, the challenge is to foster different thinking habits! Here are my tips for taking some control back over those thoughts!

  • Label those thoughts as they trickle in. Acknowledge them and create a distance. Detach yourself.

 

  • Understand the root cause: Eg. In a presentation, you might think a colleague looks so confident and get swept away with thoughts such as “I could never do that! I wish I could be like her!” When you have no idea what’s going on for that individual. It’s therefore possible that you’re making unfair comparisons i.e. you’re comparing your inside with their outside!

 

  • Reframe. Substitute “Oh My God, I have NO idea what I’m doing here” with “this is going to be a great opportunity for me to learn something new- I’ve got this” or replace “I’d say they are sending me on this business trip to test me ” with “I’m looking forward to bringing something different to the table!”

 

  • Focus on the external value or service you are contributing instead of your internal thoughts! Think about yourself less!

 

  • Journal. Identify your accomplishments to date, skills, qualifications, projects etc. Label what you’re grateful for. Over time, this will become a habit a foster a more positive and confident mindset.

 

  • The scariest strategy? Envisage the worst case scenario! Make a mistake. Get feedback that you were incorrect! Remember being wrong doesn’t make you a ‘fraud’. It makes you human.

 

In summary, none of us chose to feel like an imposter. We all want to feel confident but unless we actively tackle our thoughts on this, progress will be limited. Know there will be good and bad days ahead but as long as you remain focused and disciplined on the thoughts you wish to change, getting yourself back on track will be easier. Over time, this will become your new way of being! Make a change. Grow. Succeed.

 

 

Gillian McGrath is a Cork based Life and Business Coach and Master Trainer. For more information, contact her directly at Gillian@changegrowsucceed.com

5 Tips to build your Confidence

Posted on

confid2

Has a lack of confidence ever held you back?

Have you ever thought about doing something but deliberated “If only I had the confidence to try…” or “I’d never have the confidence to change that…”

Confidence is not something we are born with. What if we could choose to be confident? Imagine feeling positive, empowered and optimistic all of the time? If having confidence helps us to believe, achieve and succeed in life, developing and strengthening our confidence is of huge benefit t o us all. The good news is that confidence can be learned and strengthened throughout our life. Nurture triumphs in this nurture vs. nature debate.

Where do I start?

Confidence is our belief in our ability to meet the demands placed on us in a particular situation and is developed over time through our experiences and by the people in our environment. Albert Bandura, a Canadian psychologist said that confidence can be learned as long as we are willing to give it a go.

Converting your “I can’t’s into I can!”

At it’s core, having confidence is an active personal investment, so:

  1. Listen to that Supportive Inner Voice

It’s the experience of learning and doing that creates confidence. Chose your supportive inner voice to nudge you on your way! Step out of that comfort zone. Say things like “ Give it a try…” or “What’s the worst that can happen?” Or even “This will help me in the long run…” Encourage and reassure yourself, show compassion.

  1. Praise your effort and not the result!

We show compassion to our children when they miss out on team selection. We say things like “I’m sorry it’s not what you wanted it to but look at what you achieved!” We teach them that once they ‘do their best’ that it’s ok.  However, we, as adults tend to get attached to outcomes or results and often beat ourselves up if we miss out. We need to practise reframing and resilience, choose to take the good and learn from a situation and then,  bounce back.

  1. Contribute/ Participate

Take part in your discussions and groups. Don’t be a passenger! Despite what you may think, your thoughts and opinions are valuable to others. Challenge yourself to offer one idea or suggestion in your next group or meeting. You will feel great afterwards! After all, it’s the experience of participating that will boost your confidence.

  1. Surround yourself with people who care

Your relationships have the capacity to boost. They also have the capacity to keep you stuck. Your commitment to surrounding yourself with supportive people sets you up for growth and success. Our world is filled with virtual ‘friends’ or ‘followers’. Ensure that you have meaningful connections. Take a moment to consider the key people in your life- are they supportive and encouraging? Don’t settle for less that you deserve.

  1. Recharge and Renew

We live in a society that’s driven by goals, deliverables, tasks and activities. Quite often, pushing ourselves when we are exhausted can rob us of our confidence as we are running on empty. It’s also counterproductive. Let’s remember to stop and take time out. There’s nothing like a fresh perspective to have you in tip- top mental shape!

So, make that personal investment. Make that commitment to yourself and watch your confidence grow! “Always remember you are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem and smarter than you think…” A.A. Milne

 

 

Gillian McGrath is a Cork based Life and Business Coach and Master Trainer. For more information, contact her directly on Gillian@changegrowsucceed.com